Friday, December 31, 2010

I resolve....

-to continue not purging (it's been 832 days. Oh, yeah, I rock)
-actually learn and perfect the Esmeralda variation
-finish the Sick Rose

and... I need something silly... because that'll probably be the only one I'll keep, Lol.

wait. Not something silly. To meet my girlfriend. Face to face. Yes. That's my last resolution for 2011.

Love,
Alice

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Letting go...

I had a secret that started when I was barely 13. It was one that destroyed my entire life. Up until a few hours ago, I never told anyone. Not a single person heard the pure truth from my lips. I kept it inside and refused to think about it. I tried to hide it from myself, I wanted to forget it. But I found you can't keep something a secret to yourself. I did from everyone else though. Not one single person. I destroyed any records of it that I had, so it's not written or drawn anywhere, not recorded anywhere. It existed only in me.

That doesn't mean it hasn't hurt me every single day of my life.

Today, I let it go. And my secret isn't a secret anymore. I thank the gods that I have Natalie in my life.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

one of the many reasons I love her

(man, that was confusing to change names around, L is her, GS is me)
L: God that felt SOOOO good to light those on fire
L: ":P
gisellesylphide: pyro :P
L: maybe
L:: =) I love you
gisellesylphide: I love you too
gisellesylphide: Only more ;)
L: pffft
gisellesylphide: I do :P
L: Fine!!
L: :P I lose
gisellesylphide: *blinks*
L: I smell muffins:
L:P What's wrong?
gisellesylphide: you gave up
gisellesylphide: has that ever happened?
gisellesylphide: Immediate giving up-ness?
L: lol
gisellesylphide: I need to go write this down somwhere
L: xD I just feel like making you happy by winning :P
gisellesylphide: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
gisellesylphide: *kisses* I love you =)
L:: :P the "w" key feels abused
gisellesylphide: it can get over it

Saturday, December 25, 2010

CHRISTMAS

I will now brag about my Christmas presents:

-a camera
-a nook (I know, right?)
-$50 worth of itunes money (and some music from Hana Pestle that I just bought with that money)
-a Miranda Lambert CD
-Glee's Christmas album
-SOCKS!!!!!!!!!!
-A chia pet =)
-a beautiful necklace from Lissy (it's a really good thing I was sitting when I opened it
-a smokey eye kit
-fast flats, no more wearing heels until I have blisters
-target giftcard
-pretty sure I got more but I can't remember 'cause my pain meds are kicking in

But what I really got for christmas was my dad's face when he opened the iphone 4 case I got him, and he realized that we got him an iphone 4 for Christmas. And when my mom jumped up and down and screamed after she opened the ring my dad gave her. And Jacob's flipping out when he opened his PSP. I'm anticipating my sister's reaction to her present, and my girlfriend's reaction to hers. I can't wait to see the smile on Ella's face when she opens up the present we got her. The best part of Christmas is how happy everyone is, and when I feel their hearts pounding from excitement, the enormous smile on their faces.

I love Christmas.
Love,
Alice

Saturday, December 18, 2010

in which I'm forced to go to a party

Bleck. I intensely dislike parties. Too many people crowded together, too much noise, too many anxiety attacks provoked by said crowd and noise. But there's far too many times when I have to go to parties. Like yesterday, where there was a surprise party for a friend of the family's birthday. Spellbound was originally going to play, but they were having some inter-band drama, so they could not (which sucks because they're awesome). Instead, we had some band I couldn't even tell you the name of and they SUCKED. The singers (yes, plural, there were two. why? I don't know) couldn't carry a tune in the bucket. It was irritating when they first started to play because I couldn't hear a word they were singing but when I did manage to hear them singing I wished very much that the rest of the band would drown them out.

The party wasn't terrible overall, I had Lakshmi there to hang out with, 'cause we have to catch up on a semester's worth of stuff.

Today I have to work with Nicole on choreographing a five minute solo for her to perform tomorrow. It's going to rock *beats head against wall*

Love,
Alice

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

...in more recent news

Finals fail at life. They're evil, and they exist only to make students' brains explode. Thank you, that is all.

Love,
Alice

Sunday, December 5, 2010

*insert interesting title here*

Fine, Lissy, my blog is neglected. :P

Just realized that talking to my girlfriend has calmed me down much more than my anxiety medicine ever has. Which is.... wow. I guess that's just how amazing she is.

Love,
Alice

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

reflections...

I don't know why I remembered this today... but I was crying and I looked in the mirror and I remembered something she said. Rhiannon. I'm not going to protect you here, you can pay for your crimes, I'm not in the mood to play nice and hide who you are. It's enough that I have to hide me. But I remember once she told me, when I was crying, that I looked pretty when I cried. It's... it was strange then and it's still strange. A rather sick thing to say, I think, but... I thought so then too. Here I am crying, and letting her see me cry, and she tells me I look pretty when I cry.

A rather sick and twisted thing to say... but she wasn't. I can't say if she is or not anymore, I haven't spoken a single word to her in over two years. I've heard she's cheated, fooled around, didn't even apply to any colleges, and many other things by word of mouth, so maybe she is. I don't know, maybe I never knew her at all.

Reflecting is lovely, loves, once in a while... but don't stare into that pool too long before you lose yourself in who you used to be.

Love,
Alice